Bad Movie, Good Movie

OK, so, this blog has been ambling along without reason or purpose, and it’s definitely starting to gain momentum in hits from foreign entities. So, to help my budding audience along, I’m going to start something new that I’m calling Bad Movie, Good Movie, in which I watch two movies and then write the descriptions to help guide you in making sound choices for the movies you watch.

Over Memorial Day weekend, Colleen and I watched Mercy and Hush, both available on Netflix.

Bad Movie: Mercy

An older woman on her deathbed. A mean ol’ second husband. And four boys—two from each marriage—return home and squabble over who gets their share of mommy’s money. Will it be the dad/stepdad? Will it be the OG boys? Will it be the stepsons? Or will it be the creepy motherfuckers from mom’s cultist church? Hmmm…A movie that forces you to watch it twice, because that’s how poorly written and produced this turd bomb was.

Good Movie: Hush

A deaf and dumb writer is trapped in her home by a serial killer who stalks her from the outside.


Hush, duh!

Reboot This

There’s been a lot of fluff lately about the reboot of the Ghostbusters movie because it no longer features a mostly male cast. So what. The reboot, just as any, should be judged by the script, the chemistry of the characters/actors, and the soundtrack (yes, I hold that accountable, too).

What bothers me most about this is that it’s a bunch of men—whom I will collectively refer to as Bros—who are complaining about replacing the Ghostbusters team with a crew of women.

So, let’s use this as an experiment. Let’s take another successful franchise and flip it around on its sex axis. Let’s use Charlie’s Angels as an example. I think a brilliant reboot of that could be one where the movie starts out with the Angels’ headquarters being taken down. Bosley’s dead (previously played by Bill Murray), and the only remaining Angel is Dylan Sanders, played by Drew Barrymore. She is the new Bosley. Everyone else? Gone. Toast. The opposing faction (whoever they are) wiped them out.

So now it’s Dylan’s job to, as they say, put the team back together. The new Angels would consist of a three-dude team, consisting of Channing Tatum (Magic Mike, 21 and 22 Jump Street), Jay Chou (Green Hornet, The Interview), and Aml Ameen (The Maze Runner). Three fairly beefy dudes who bring different strengths to the new crew of Charlie’s Angels, led by a strong female character whose team faces an unknown threat.

To me, that would be an awesome reboot. But, do you think all of the women would be up in arms because women were replaced by men?

Grow up Bros.

Meanwhile, if anyone in Hollywood is interested, I’ll totally write the script for the aforementioned Charlie’s Angels reboot.

Little-known Subtitles for the Expendables Movies

The next installment of the Expendables franchise, Expendables 3, hits theaters on August 15. Granted, I haven’t seen 1 and 2, but I think the studio is missing a huge opportunity here to have some fun with subtitles; here are my suggestions:

  • Expendables 1: Everyone’s Got a Gun
  • Expendables 2: Electric Boogaloo
  • Expendables 3: Van Damme Had to Pee
  • Expendables 4: Everyone on the Floor!
  • Expendables 5: Stallone Takes a Dive
  • Expendables 6: Now with Chicks!
  • Expendables 7: Nobody Lands in Heaven
  • Expendables 8: Statham Lifts a Crate
  • Expendables 9: Beuller? Beuller? Beuller?
  • Expendables 10: Here We Go Again

I’d totally greenlight any of those.